Core idea: Conversations are central to any relationship - with colleagues, with business partners, with friends and families. It succeeds when you get your message across. You must make more effective interactions "one conversation at a time."



Fierce conversations mean "one in which we come out from behind ourselves into the conversations and make it real."



The 7 principles of fierce conversations are guides in transforming relationships:

1) Master the Courage to Interrogate Reality: There are three simple steps;

A. Make a proposal. Identify an issue. If you have a solution in mind, make a suggestion.

B. Check for understanding. Invite questions; ask if they grasp your proposal.

C. Check for agreement. Ask for opinion and views on the proposal. Be open to criticism. Listen to their views. Resist the urge to reply or defend your plan immediately.

2) Come Out from Behind Yourself into the Conversation and Make it Real: Free your true self, others will acknowledge it and react.

3) Be Here, Prepared to be Nowhere Else: How you enter the conversation is how you emerge from it.

4) Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today: A problem identified is a problem solved.

5) Obey Your Instincts: During fierce conversations, your task is not to say what is easy to say or what can be said, but to say what you have been unable to say or what others are afraid to say. Pay close attention to the speaker when listening; listen not only for the content but for emotion and intent.

6) Take responsibility for Your Emotional Wake: No comment is insignificant, unimportant or trivial.

7) Let Silence do the Heavy Lifting: Silence presents you an opportunity to think and plan.



I recommend this solid book. While reading the book, it felt like the author didn't give enough "lessons learned." It left me a with a feeling that the author failed "to come from behind herself" violating her own principle. It is highly subjective of course and following her advise I "obey my instincts." Thus, four stars.

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