Title: Star Trek-Infinity: Separation Anxiety(MISC) 

Author: Charles Rando (trando@worldnet.att.net) 

Series: MISC 

Rating: [PG] 

Part: NEW 1/3 

Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters in The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine, and Peter David owns the Selelvian race (see his book, Strike Zone). "Angel" is the property of Sarah McLaghlan. I'd like to think that the characters I've invented and the story are mine. :-) 

Summary: The Infinity says goodbye to an old friend and hello to a new one, but it isn't long before trouble strikes again... and Captain Rando is nowhere to be seen! 


Go to part two

Return to the fourth season archive 

First officer's log- Stardate 50001.6: The Infinity has arrived at its destination, the Bromden Psychiatric Hospital. There we will be saying good-bye to Sonja as we leave her in the care of the doctors at this facility. We will also be picking up our new ship's counselor, an unusual situation to say the least. I'm not sure how I feel about having a civilian counselor on the ship, especially now. Many of the crew are still upset over the incidents on Lytala IV and the loss of Counselor Kassal, and I'm not sure that now is the time for Starfleet to run this little psychological experiment. But since Captain Rando put his signature on the request, there's nothing we can do now except hope for the best.


"I can't believe you couldn't get in to see him," Lieutenant Marianne V'gel was saying as she ran a finger along the rim of her glass.

"He locked out the security overrides," Lorin replied quickly. The ship's hostess was actually sitting at one of the tables in the Middle Ground instead of working behind the bar. Her chin rested on her hands. "I guess he learned from last time." To herself, she thought, "And after that� why would he want to talk to me now?"

Next to her, Lieutenant Phil Williams shrugged. "I don't know, maybe he just wants to be left alone," he said sullenly.

V'gel glared at her cousin but didn't respond to his remark. "So then what do we do now?" the half Trill asked.

Lorin shook her head. She'd obviously asked herself the same question many times and had little success in answering it. And even if she had an answer, she would never be able to work up the courage to try it. Not her� it had to be someone else. "What about J.W.? He's not restricted by security codes like we are."

There was a soft chuckling from above the table. "That is very true, McGowan. There are places I have been that you can only dream about. And although I too and concerned about Rando, I will not invade his privacy. Unless he gives me his permission, I will not enter his quarters."

"See, that's the kind of guy I like," Williams said. "Someone who knows when to leave you alone."

V'gel gave him a disgusted look. "This is the Captain we're talking about, Phil. He's obviously in a lot of pain after what happened to Sonja. Someone has to help him."

"But how do you counsel someone who's missing their counselor?" Lorin inquired rhetorically.

"Oh I don't know� I would think that V'gel would remember dealing with stuff like this in one of her past lives," Williams told them. "Come on, let's see some of that superior Trill experience come into play here."

Choosing to let Williams' snide remark slide, V'gel instead offered, "Actually, my third host, Gerina, had a son who acted the same exact way after his fianc�e was killed in a fire. He wouldn't speak to anyone for weeks after that; he even refused to let anyone in his room. So, in the end, there was only one way we could get into see him� I had to climb in through the window of his room!"

"And unless you take an EVA suit and a plasma torch, I really doubt that plan is going to work," Williams told her. "Oh well� you DID try your best."

"Maybe not a window per se," Lorin said thoughtfully, "but what about a Jeffries tube? I bet that would work."

"Just sneak into the Captain's quarters the old-fashioned way," V'gel said. "The only question is� which one of us goes?" She glanced to her right, where Williams sat.

Williams glared back. "Don't look at me," he told her.

"And if I had corporeal form, I would say the same thing," J.W. replied.

"You've known him longer than I have� and you have the memories of all those lifetimes to back you up," Lorin said to V'gel. "I'd probably just make things worse if I went to talk to him. After last time when I promised him everything would be all right�."

V'gel nodded. "Then it's up to me, I guess."

There was a silence, which was broken seconds later by Commander Witherell's voice. "Witherell to senior staff. Please report to sickbay. It's time."

The two officers and civilian glanced at each other and without another word, stood and headed out of the lounge. 

It was time.

********************************************************************************************

Captain Charles Rando sat in the dark, his eyes closed, letting the music flow over him.

Months ago, Sonja had made him a collection of some of his favorite songs from the twentieth century. He'd gone through all the movies he'd loved so much to pick and choice the right ones, and she'd presented the recording to him on his birthday. On the tiny isolinear chip were beautiful songs, cheerful songs, sad songs� a wide variety of emotions could be induced just by listening to the recording all the way through. But this time, Rando hadn't felt like listening to the whole collection. He'd found one song� one song that he'd played over and over and over again until he was barely aware of its presence in the background. He hardly noticed as the recording came to an end� the last few gentle notes fading into silence� before the song began again and Sonja's voice began to sing�.


"Spend all your time waiting for that second chance,
For the break that will make it okay.


Lieutenant Evan Remley had faced down murderous Klingons, an egomaniac who wanted to control the galaxy� even the Borg. He had lived through a nuclear explosion. He had rescued his best friend from a mirror universe. Now, he found his eyes remained fixed on that one particular spot of the sickbay wall he'd found. There really wasn't anything special about it� nothing that made it stand out from the rest of the room. But Remley found he couldn't tear his eyes away from it�.


There's always some reason to feel not good enough,
And it's hard at the end of the day.


Doctor Calabretta adjusted the cortical monitor on Sonja's head one last time. In just a few more minutes, she'd be taken from his care� not that he'd be able to give her much care in the first place. The week trek to the Bromden psychiatric hospital had felt like months. He'd walked past the room holding Sonja every time he went to or came from his office� each time being remembered that there was nothing he could do for her. Nothing at all� 


I need some distraction or a beautiful release;
Memories seep from my veins.


"Commander?" Lieutenant V'gel asked as she entered sickbay. "Where's the Captain? I thought he'd want to be here."

"The Captain wanted to say his good-byes to the Counselor alone," Witherell replied, and that was all he said on the matter� at least aloud. Inwardly, Witherell wished that the Captain had come down with the rest of the crew to see Sonja off. Poor Sonja� had it been so long since their last telepathy tutorial? Since D'vis attacked her in the throws on Pon Farr� six months at least. And just last year� she had come to him because she needed help controlling the telepathic powers she'd gotten as a result of her cancer. And then even further back to Deep Space Nine when they'd first met and he'd�. 

"Come on," Witherell said, heading in the direction of the room that held Sonja. Calabretta and Remley were already there. "We don't have much time left." . 


Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight."


Neddek took a deep breath and exhaled. His meditation session had been perfectly timed to end just before his presence would be required in sickbay. Scheduling the meditation for right before the Counselor was beamed off the ship was not an accident on Neddek's part. Over the last hour, the Romulan engineer had used Vulcan training to bring his emotions under control. Neddek hadn't known the Counselor as well as some on the ship� but he had found himself experiencing intense emotional reactions over the last few days whenever he was reminded of her condition. Anger at the illogical motives behind life� upset that so many others were hurt. The last thing Neddek wanted was to lose his control in sickbay�. he opened his eyes, feeling cool, serene� at ease. He separated his steepled hands and stood� it was time�.


"In the arms of the Angel far away from here,
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel.
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie;
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here."


Sonja's voice washed over him� covered him, tried to sweep him away like the angel she sung about. And the moistness in his eyes grew� but he wouldn't let go. He wouldn't allow himself to lose any more than he had� his mind steeled itself, and he wondered if perhaps he should shut off the recording� until the song continued�


"So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn,
There's vultures and thieves at your back.


Lieutenant Williams stood beside Neddek, who had his arm around V'gel. Williams, unlike Remley, didn't find it hard to look at the form of Counselor Kassal lying on the biobed. It was easier than looking at V'gel and Neddek, anyway. But when he stood there� staring at Sonja� her eyes closed� face devoid of all personality� like she'd been erased. Like the person they'd known as Sonja Kassal no longer existed� that hit just a little too close to home. Inwardly, Williams chided himself for thinking about himself at a time like this. Yes, he admitted to himself, he was unhappy� had been for quite some time. But now wasn't the time to worry about himself� or think about Marianne. After all, she was gone now�.


The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies,
That make up for all that you lack.


J.W. watched the proceedings from above. The former Bajoran prophet had experienced so much during his time on this ship since his exile. It had become his home� the people on board had become his family. And now one was leaving� and perhaps never coming back. He couldn't help but wonder though� he knew that he would miss Kassal� he could already feel an emptiness on the ship and in his existence that was difficult to explain. But was what he felt anything like what everyone else did? Would they miss Kassal more than he did? Were they feeling more pain than he was? For a fleeting moment, J.W. wished he was corporeal� just so he could know� so he could feel everything he was supposed to� 


It don't make no difference, escape one last time;
It's easier to believe


Lieutenant Johnson nervously wrung his hands together. He desperately wanted to be someplace else then� he never got used to these little� get togethers? He wasn't sure what to call things like this� like when they'd all gotten together after the Borg attack� or after Joy had left. It was like they were remembering someone who was gone, but you couldn't quite call it a funeral. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate why he was there, why all of them were there� he was just never sure how to react. Put something technological in his hands� give him a problem with the waste extraction systems or a holodeck simulation to program, and his mind would be filled with ideas as to how to proceed. But here� now� surrounded by the senior crew and Sonja's other friends on the ship� waiting for her to be beamed away� possibly for good� maybe a little holodeck time would do the trick� maybe he could come up with a program in Sonja's memory that said everything he wanted to but couldn't� yes, that was it� as soon as he got out of here�.


In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness,
That brings me to my knees."


Marit Kynton hadn't felt this numb since she'd stepped for on Bajor a few months ago for the first time in ten years. It was a strange feeling for the usually explosive Bajoran� she was used to tearing things apart or other destructive acts when she was upset. But here� staring at the still body of a woman who was her colleague and whom she also considered a friend� Marit couldn't feel anything she wanted to. She couldn't feel the anger at the unfairness of the situation. She couldn't feel the pain� and then she saw Evan. He was staring at the wall, unable to bring himself to look at the Counselor. She felt a great sadness for him� and placed her hand on his arm to let him know she was there. And as the connection was made� it was if all of the feelings inside her were finally able to flow� and she felt herself begin to softly cry�.


"In the arms of the Angel far away from here,
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel.


"Today is the kind of day you wish would never happen," Commander Witherell was saying, "but in the end, in our line of work, they're unavoidable. Sonja Kassal was� is a good, kind soul. She cared about each and everyone of us, and she never stopped showing that. She could light up a room just with her presence, and she never stopped trying to bring the crew closer together. With any luck, she'll be able to live that life again someday. But until that happens, I ask that you remember her for the good person that she was� and imagine the good person that she will be� and just think about her. Even if it's just once a day as you're walking down the corridor and you think back on the time you passed her and she smiled� or if it's a much more personal memory� just keep her in your thoughts. That way� she will never really be gone. She'll still be with us� in here." He pressed his hand to his heart. 


You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie;
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here."


"Good-bye for now, Sonja Kassal. May the fates smile down upon you, and may you once again awaken to the world you loved so much� and to the world that loved you." Bowing his head, Witherell dropped into silence. The rest of the room did the same. They were silent for over a minute before Witherell tapped his comm. badge. "Infinity to Bromden Hospital. One to beam over."

And the comatose form of Sonja Kassal faded away from the biobed� and disappeared.


You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here.


But she was wrong� there was no comfort here. Rando opened his eyes and stared into the darkness. No comfort� none to be found� only darkness. Darkness around him, darkness outside his window. He stared out into empty space, not looking at any of the stars or far away nebulas or other spatial bodies before him� he just stared. It didn't matter any more� none of those sparks of light mattered if the spark of life could be snuffed out so easily� if his light could be taken away like that.

In the background, the song started over again� but Rando hardly noticed.



CHAPTER ONE


Personal log, stardate 50001.8: Ok, I've never done one of these things before, so just bear with me. I'll get the hang of it eventually. I mean, I never even wrote in a diary when I was little, and now I have to keep a log? Ok, ok, sorry� if you can't tell, I'm a little nervous about this, but that's only natural. A new situation� new people� I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. I REALLY want to just jump under my bedsheets and hide� but I doubt that's professional. No, definitely not. All right then, time to get moving� I don't want to keep them all waiting for me. End log.

********************************************************************************************

Witherell glanced over at Remley as the two men waited in transporter room two. "So," Witherell said, "it's been a busy day, hasn't it?"

"Very," Remley replied.

Witherell inwardly sighed. Even Remley, who was usually the happiest guy on the ship, was feeling lower than a Denebian slug. Then again, Witherell didn't have to be a telepath to know the reason behind Remley's silence: the security officer had been in charge of the away team that Sonja had been hurt on. And even though he had hunted down her assailant, Sonja was still gone� and Lytala IV was still devastated. Witherell could tell that Remley was trying very hard not to blame himself for everything that had happened, but he also knew that he wasn't being successful.

"I heard that Captain Sisko and a few of his officers uncovered a changeling in the Klingon military," Witherell tried, hoping to hit on something that would take Remley's mind off its current track. 

Remley only nodded.

"A lot of people are hoping that the hostilities between the Federation and the Klingons will stop all together," Witherell went on. "After all, this entire war seems to have just been a Dominion ploy to weaken the Alpha Quadrant. If the Klingons see that we need to stick together rather than fight amongst ourselves�."

"You know what's funny?" Remley asked, interrupting Witherell's sentence abruptly.

"No, Evan� I don't. I'm afraid I don't have my telepathic radio on right now," he joked.

Remley didn't laugh, but he did continue. "Did you ever notice how when ever anything really big� I mean REALLY big happens� it always seems to happen at the beginning or the end of the year? Think about it� the Borg invade our space and attack Earth� December of 2366. The Klingon empire dissolves into Civil War until Starfleet discovers that the Romulans are behind it� December 2367. The Dominion is encountered for the first time� December 2369. We lose Jeff to an alternate dimension� December 2370. The Khitomer accords are dissolved by the Klingons� January 2371. The Counselor is attacked and rendered comatose by an brainwashed Vulcan Romulan spy� December 2371. A changeling is discovered in the Klingon empire� January 2372. We say good-bye to Sonja� January 2372." He paused. "It really makes you wonder what the end of this year will bring. Hell, we'll probably break into all out war with the Dominion then."

Witherell didn't reply. He didn't want to risk worsening Remley's mood. Then again, when he thought about it� Remley had made some very scary points�.

"Um� Commander? Bromden station reports� um� that our passenger is ready to beam aboard," the transporter operator reported, breaking Witherell's chain of thought� thankfully, Witherell thought.

"She's more than just a passenger," Witherell told the young officer. "By the end of the day, she's going to be responsible for the mental health of this crew."

"May whatever God she believes in have mercy on her soul," Remley quipped in a hushed tone. 

Witherell smiled. Maybe there was hope for Remley yet. He nodded towards the transporter operator. "Beam her aboard, Ensign."

The transporter came to life, a bright shimmering flow of light appearing above one of the pads. The light began to condense and consolidate until it roughly resembled a human form. Then it became clearer and more defined� and more physical. The transport ended seconds later, and the Infinity's new counselor was onboard.

"Doctor Monica Thakur� um� reporting for duty, sir," the woman said. She had dark skin and jet black hair, and her face held a radiant smile that was nearly infectious. She was a small woman, but Witherell sensed it'd take quite a bit to make her back down from anyone.

"Well, you're not actually Starfleet, Doctor, so you're not actually on duty," Witherell told her. "And you don't have to call me sir either. But welcome aboard the Infinity. I'm Commander Kevin Witherell, ship's first officer. This is Lieutenant Evan Remley, chief of security."

Doctor Thakur smiled at both men in turn. "I was hoping the Captain would be here� not that he doesn't have enough to do� I mean, he shouldn't make time out of his schedule just to come down and see me� but I was�."

"The Captain is currently� indisposed," Witherell informed her, covering up for both Rando's absence and her own nervousness. "But I'm sure you'll be able to meet with him in due time. May we show you to your quarters?"

"I'd be delighted," Thakur replied. Witherell and Remley came forward to pick up what luggage she had brought with her, and Thakur noticed for the first time the man standing behind the transporter console. He was of Asian descent, his dark hair cropped close against his scalp. "Oh hello, I'm sorry� I didn't see you there before."

"Um� hello, ma'am," the young man stuttered. "Can I help you with something?"

Thakur stepped off the pad completely and leaned up against the other side of the console, resting her arms on it. "Are you usually this nervous around people you don't know?"

The young officer blushed, but tried to hide it. "Sometimes, ma'am. I mean� it's tough to get to know someone new, you know?"

Thakur smiled. "Believe me, I know. Look at me, coming on this ship� I don't know anyone� a few years ago, I would have been overwhelmed by this. I was even shier than you are now� but at the same time, I really hated being alone. So I made myself talk to people� I told myself that I was an interesting person and that others would want to talk to me and get to know me� and if they didn't� well there'd always be someone else to try, right?"

"Yes ma'am, I guess so."

Thakur smiled. "Call me Doctor, if you want to be formal. But my name is Monica. What's yours?"

"Ensign� um� Mike," the officer replied.

"Nice to meet you, Ensign 'Mike,'" Thakur said, reaching out to shake the Ensign's hand. "And I look forward to seeing you again in the future. If you like, I could show you some of the techniques I used to beat down my shyness?"

"I'd� I'd really like that."

"Good� give me a few days and then contact me and we'll set up an appointment. We'll have you the life of the party in just a few weeks!" With a final smile at the young officer, Thakur turned back to Remley and Witherell. "All right, I think we can go now!"

"Well� is it just me or is our new counselor very� personable?" Witherell projected telepathically at Remley.

"Very," Remley thought back. "I like that!"